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...And I wasn’t pregnant anymore...

I started out hoping to do an educative post on miscarriage with facts and figures as per usual but I'm going to personalise this week's post. I was watching an episode of 'This is us', the one where Kate had a miscarriage (those who know, know!lol) and It brought back soo many memories.
Just a few key points about miscarriages, it is common! 1 in 4 women will have one in their lifetime! It is painful sometimes physically but most times mentally! We do not talk about it enough!




Well I’ve had 2..the first one wasn’t too bad as I lost it quite early, wasn’t really prepared and didn’t get excited long enough to feel bad enough. My second miscarriage experience however wasn’t so great, I never talk about it but sometimes I find myself wondering if it was a baby boy or girl, if he/she would have shared similarities with their siblings or be completely different, when would they have walked or talked...so many what ifs.

I found out I was pregnant, my family and I were happy and excited, it was a busy time professionally for me but it was going to be fine, I had the support so I knew it was the right time and that maybe things will be different this time around. I was already taking my folic acid,eating right and keeping healthy.  I scheduled an early scan which was great,I was hopeful that things were going to be different this time as I  had passed the 10 week mark.
A day to my dating scan( scan done between 11 and 13 weeks to correctly estimate gestational age) I felt “not quite right”. No,I didn’t bleed, I had no pain, there was nothing physically wrong but I just couldn't shake off the feeling. I paid to have another private scan done just after work and went alone.
You see, this was one of the days I wished I had no medical knowledge as I saw it as soon as the ultrasound came into view- there was no heartbeat... I thought “maybe I’m not experienced enough to know I’ll wait for the Sonographer’s report” but he turned and asked me if I wanted to call anyone with that ‘ breaking bad news face’ that we as doctors know very well. In that second I felt like I shattered from the inside-out. My whole world  seemed like it stopped and ended at the same time. I felt betrayed by my body, like how dare it do it to me the second time!


We had suffered a missed miscarriage- a miscarriage that is only picked up incidentally. The common hallmarks for miscarriages are bleeding or pain and I had none. 
Missed miscarriages usually require some sort of intervention as sometimes if your body does not expel the products of conception on its own, you can have quite a severe infection in the womb as a result and in severe cases an infection in your entire body (sepsis). It is usually managed by waiting for a short period to allow for a natural miscarriage where your body passes the products on it's own, medications or as it was in my case -Surgically.
I opted to have surgery as my baby had stopped growing 4 weeks before I found out and as nature was yet to take its course in 4 weeks I sought closure, I needed closure and quickly too.This was around the time of my most important  professional exam and I needed to be sane enough to sit and pass the exam.

I had an ERPC(evacuation of retained products of conception), the procedure is colloquially called a “D and C”. It’s  a short 10-15 minute procedure done under general anaesthetic (ie whilst a woman is asleep) and after this procedure you’re clear to start trying to conceive after your first period post procedure. Whilst a lot of women will recover physically at an accelerated rate, the mental recovery might be much slower and this is ok, take your time!
At first I wanted to wallow and feel sorry for myself but I had and still have an amazing support system who helped my family and I through it.


To end on a positive note, I have gone on to have 2 gorgeous babies who are well and thriving. Unless there is an underlying condition, miscarriages are quite common and in most cases occur with no identified cause. Women who have had more than 3 successive miscarriages should seek out further medical evaluation by a qualified medical practitioner.



Why did I choose to share my story? Well I’m hoping it encourages someone out there and demystifies miscarriages. For a lot of people sharing grief helps the healing process and Some women do not feel able to share their story for many reasons.
I would like to encourage women to be more open about discussing pregnancy and infant loss as it could help you heal and move on, Grief is personal but you will never know what will help the process unless you explore the options.
Have you experienced loss or know someone who has? How did you get through it? what/who made the process easier? would love to hear from you, don’t forget to subscribe and share.

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